So the fact is i'm here, sitting in front of my laptop and writting this things down with the 12th grader tittle. times did it well and faster. why?

i'm not going to talk about school stuffs or other stuffs about how busy i am for being a 12th grader, no. really no. all the answers is done enough only by one word. EXHAUSTING.

Let this begin. 

One thing that had never been acrossed my mind is, people that we used to dislike could be the one we wanted to share every single thing with. is it blow your mind enough? no. it could happen to everyone but i never thought, it happens to me NOW.

This guy drives me crazy so well, lately. i don't know why i just want to meet him everyday and i just want to get chat from him everyday so bad. it's just weird that my head got thinking backward how i hated this selfish guy last days but this guy is pretty cute today. a friend of him has told me that he has been liking me. but i just can't believe because everytime we were chatting he ended up pissing me off because of that short messege and i was just standing there and thinking what to reply and i ended up letting that messege unreplied because i had no idea what to reply. he is as cold as that. he likes me but he has no efforts to get me. i guess he stop chassing me at the same time i realize that i like him too. it's so confusing. ugh i better go to bed bye mwah

kalau kata lagunya blink sih dan akhirnya ku sendiri lagi. duh kenapa ya, susah sekali buat nyari orang yang bener bener tulus haha bukan hanya yang sekedar singgah, lalu pergi. begitu aja terus wkwk

terus gue jadi mikir, agak nyesel juga sih sekarang baru nyadar, telah menghabiskan banyak waktu untuk orang yang sebenernya, masih dalam fantasi masa lalunya. terus nyatanya kita tuh ga pernah ada, hanya dijadikan pelampiasan atas dia yang kangennya sama orang lain. jahat ya? haha

padahal...gue nya udah jungkir balik move on juga, nerima si orang itu dengan sepenuh hati, ngelupain segala masa lalu gue, udah hampir bisa tuh, tapi ternyata Tuhan sayang sama gue. Makanya diperlihatkan kebenaran kebenaran yang sangat, sangat menggoreskan luka hahaha tapi gapapa, dengan itu gue tau kalau dia itu bukan orang baik baik :)

yang itu  udah pergi, tapi sekarang ada yang kembali...dia...dia siapa? dia yang pernah sangat ada dalam hati gue. dia yang...terlalu sulit gue tinggalkan, waktu dulu wkwk. ga ngerti deh kenapa begini, semakin dipikir pikir betapa jahatnya yang itu sama gue, malah semakin kepikiran betapa baiiiiknya yang ini, dulu, waktu sama gue haha. ternyata kalau dibandingin, bedanya jauh banget loh.

nih ya waktu dulu, yang ini tuh ga pernah marah2in gue, gue juga ga ngerti kenapa. dia itu selalu ngalah, selalu minta maaf, selalu pengen buat hubungan gue sama dia baik baik aja, selalu ga pernah mau gue putusin hahaha, ya walaupun memang suka cuek dan bales sms seabad, tapi dia itu bener bener sayang sama gue, dan yang paling penting, waktu gue sama dia, gue itu satu-satunya, dia cuma sayang sama gue, ga ada yang lain. ga ada orang lain dihati dia.

tapi kalau yang itu? kebalikan dari semua yang gue sebutin diatas hahahaha! udahlah males banget ngomongin dia sih, jahat bgtsih. biar waktu dan karma yang bisa menyadarkan orang seperti itu. gue ga mau ngomong banyak, gue ga mau membenci orang, walaupun dalam hati ini nih, bener2 sakit banget rasanya diginiin tuh. tapi harus dewasa, harus bisa memaafkan :) yeyeyeyeyyy

the long reccess that we've been waiting for for 6 months of torture has finally come. yey! i'm so glad to realize that. i've randomly made my holiday-to-do-list earlier when i was so depressed in the middle of the class but i think it won't work that way because of the crisist of money. hell yea, anyone give me some?

you know, being surrounded by studious and painstaking people was never easy, really. once i had a class who all the people inside didn't really fakkin' care about study, we stepped our foot in school just to meet society and gained some fun, babbling and gossiping with no intentions during the school hours, play play play and play inside our head. you know, just like any others freshman.

but now? i am trapped in a place called class which was really different with the previous one. i liked the people, they were all fine, they were all friendly. but they were also....hardworkers. realized that i couldn't be  like i used to was really, really tiresome. i had to pretend like someone else, someone that far away from who i really am. i had to study harder, harder, and harder. i had to make my self not look like an idiota around them. i had to reach good score on every subjects just to not feel ashamed.

maybe no one forced me to be like this, to be like them. it is just self-awareness. but sometimes it is also good. i am being so motivated by them. they also gave me a lot of benefits. i feel smarter than at the first grade. but i am tired. i need some space. 

i miss my old days.

hi people. feels like it's been ages i'm not posted anything on this blog. i've been so freaking busy, yea. so here i am, sitting here alone, on my lovely bed accompanied by the sounds of falling rain, so peaceful. drop my fingers on the keyboard and still do not know what i'm about to write...honestly, i'm trying to figure many things out that had been through, and find out that my life now is so much better than few months ago. i've never thought there would  be any changes of me after all-the-broken-heart. i've never thought i could be falling in love with someone else with all the pieces of my heart that remained.

udah lama banget ga nulis blog. sekalinya buka blog...pengen nulis yang galau2. duh gapapa deh ya, sekali kali deh sekali kali hahaha

how's life?
i am doing fine here. i really am. :)

ah, sudahlah. pada akhirnya memang semua masalah waktu.
tapi, haruskah secepat ini? haha

munafik. munafik kalau bilang ga sedih. karna yang biasanya ada, nggak ada. you've to get used to it.

it's only the matter of time.
waktu akan mengembalikan?
atau waktu akan menghilangkan?
entahlah.

baik-baik ya, kamu.







proudly introduce you to all people that read this post. yeah you. someone who made my days become so colourful, someone who gave me a lot of attentions and care about me. someone who had always been there whenever i needeed, someone who made me feel safe, loved, needed.

thank you, thank you for filling up my heart, thank you for colouring my days, thank you for recovering me from that broken heart. you know i love you, i really do. faf:)

A derp who loves talking too much, still a student though. Enclosed spaces are cozy; I'm weird like that.
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